From Isolation to Connection: The Healing Power of RO-DBT
Shaina Gordon, LCSW | DBT Counseling
The internet has brought countless positives—instant access to information, opportunities for learning, and new ways to connect across the globe. But with all its progress, the internet also has its downsides.
With the rise of social media and our growing attachment to smartphones, many people are finding it harder to connect in person. It’s easier than ever to send a quick text, slide into someone’s DMs, or share a Snapchat. But those conveniences have come at a cost: face-to-face conversations can feel uncomfortable or awkward, and genuine emotional connection has become harder to find. More and more, I hear people say they have more online friends than real-life ones.
Discovering RO-DBT
About three to four years ago, I was introduced to RO-DBT (Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy), and it completely changed the way I interact with others.
RO-DBT helps people become more open and connected by focusing on social signaling—the subtle ways we communicate warmth, trust, and openness through our behavior and body language. For example, something as simple as maintaining eye contact can signal, “I like you,” or “I trust you.”
Posture also plays a role: sitting up straight with shoulders back and legs uncrossed can signal openness and interest—“I want to speak with you and engage with you.” In contrast, crossed arms, slouched posture, or avoiding eye contact can unintentionally signal disinterest or emotional closed-offness. Even when these signals are unintentional, they still affect how others perceive and respond to us.
A social signal can be verbal or nonverbal—essentially, anything another person can see or hear.
A major component of RO-DBT is vulnerability. The more open we are with others, the more likely they are to share and connect with us in return. One of the most powerful ideas in this therapy is that to feel connected, we only need one strong, genuine relationship—one person who helps us feel part of a community. When we are able to feel safe, genuine, and open with even one person, feelings of loneliness and depression can begin to lessen.
The Role of Overcontrol
RO-DBT also explores the concept of overcontrol—traits like perfectionism, rigidity, and difficulty showing vulnerability. While these qualities can be highly valued in our society (such as hard work, ambition, and thoroughness), they can also make emotional connection difficult. Working 80 hours a week with no time to socialize, over exercising or avoiding shared meals out of fear of overeating are just a few examples of how overcontrol can lead to isolation.
Imagine parents who emphasize perfect grades and leave no room for mistakes. A child raised in that environment may learn to hide their emotions, avoid risks, and constantly monitor their behavior. Over time, this intense self-control can contribute to struggles such as anxiety, disordered eating, or difficulty forming and maintaining relationships.
RO-DBT targets these patterns by helping individuals adjust their outward signals—appearing more relaxed, open, and approachable. This, in turn, activates the body’s social safety system, helping people feel calmer on the inside as well. In other words, when the outside feels safe, the inside follows. Additionally, when we start to feel more connected to others, we might ease up on the rigidity and be able to have a more balanced life (ie time for social activities and work).
Building Connection in a Disconnected World
In a world where it’s often easier to scroll or game than to talk, therapies like RO-DBT remind us that connection is a powerful antidote to loneliness and emotional distress. By learning to signal openness, embrace vulnerability, and express emotion authentically, we can connect with real live people!
My practice also offers DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), which can be helpful in targeting some of these same issues. While DBT focuses on undercontrol—struggles with regulating intense emotions—RO-DBT targets overcontrol, where emotions are overly contained or suppressed. During an assessment, I work with each person to determine whether RO-DBT or DBT would best meet their needs.
In a time when digital life can leave us feeling disconnected, there is still hope for genuine human connection. Sometimes, it starts with open social signaling!
